100th Post

Every year as Christmas passes and the New Year is ever approaching I begin to think of the past year, and who I was at the beginning of it compared to who I am now. I am always amazed at the work that God has done in me, and the things that He brings me through.

Heres some of the main things I learned this year:
1. If it's Gods will for you to be somewhere, the funds will be provided.
2. Forgiveness is one of thee most important keys to healing and moving forward. It sets your heart free.
3.It's good to get out of your comfort zone.
4. It's of utmost importance to place your identity in Jesus Christ, and it's ok to walk that out in confidence.
5. Don't ever rush a process that God is taking you through, live one day at a time, learn as much as you can so you don't have to go through it again.
6. Joy is a beautiful thing!

This time of year I also think about who I want to be,and what I want to have accomplished next year at this time.
Here's some things that have been running through my mind:

1. I want to become more of a woman of the word. I want to know more scripture.
2. I want to show more grace and be more open minded to things that just because I don't agree with them in my personal life might not be wrong for others.
3. I want to be a better listener
4. I want to write more songs
5. I want to be more in tune with God's voice and His leading in my life.

Lastly, I also think about what I want to see God do:
Here are my dreams:

1.Forgiveness, Grace, reconciliation and unity returned to my family.
2. Broken relationships to be healed
3. My siblings to be set free from chains that are keeping them bound
4. For my fellow believers and I to be able to catch a glimpse of the inifite power and greatness of Jesus Christ.
5. To see signs, wonders and miracles manifested in my everday life.

2010 is going to be an amazing year.
It's all yours God, I lay all my requests at your feet. Have your way in Me. Thank you for what You've done, and all that You're going to do. amen.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Is here, family is gathered around, Jesus is ever present.

I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Thank You Jesus :)

This is my prayer in the battle

when triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and Co heir with Christ

So Firm on His promise I'll stand

..and everyday You surround me

There are many things I want to do, learn and accomplish in my life, and I've realized I need to be more proactive about my life. I can't wait for everything to come to me, I must get up and go after the things that Im wanting. Lets take songwriting for one. I want to write songs, i have so much to say, but If I dont set any time aside to do so its never going to happen!.
Gods been speaking to me alot in the past couple months about being a servant. Its been cool to be putting this into practice here at home. For example tonight I volunteered to make dinner for my fam, sure it wasn't hard but It was something that required me to give of my time for others, and that can be a tough issue for me. There are so many oppurtunities per day to put this into practice. Somedays are hard some are easy, but the process of it all is beautiful and so rewarding.
I've been home for nearly 2 days. I am so excited for what God is going to teach me and all the time I get to spend with my family. What a great way to end this crazy life changing year!

Seems like you've done this before

Well I made it through the last week of classes, alive!
I only have a few more assignments and its all done.
I can't believe the semester is almost over, its been filled with lessons, trials and so many good times. I wouldnt change any of it! Here are a few highlights:

Thank You Lord for everything and everyone you have blessed me with <3

Hello December, I quite like you!

I can't believe it's December! This month brings much stress and much happiness in it's 31 days!

Stress first, this is the last week before finals. This has been and continues to be my week in a nutshell. Monday: Exam, Worship Practice, SLT, Recital Tuesday: Class, Practice, Recital Wednesday-Friday Morning. Finish summarizing 6 articles, begin and finish a 12-20 page paper, lead worship in chapel, music practice for sunday. Then on saturday I have to leave the school before 7am to be at a convention for 2 hours. Right now it seems like the madness will never end. But I know that's not true, I will make it!

I get to go home in 11 days. It's been wayy to long since I have seen my family other than on skype of course! I am so looking forward to being home for almost a month. I also get to go back to work which is such a blessing! I can't wait!

Since my last entry, Lots has gone on. God's been teaching me lots about getting out of my comfort zone and allowing others into my world. I had to write another song for class. I really want to write about the process that God has taken me through this summer, and in order to do that I had to go back to the beginning. I really didnt want to write about it, but it seemed like i had no other choice, and I'm not sure why and maybe I will never know, but here it is:

Understand

It was a warm april day

when I watched you fly away

You didn't see it coming

I was too scared to say

-----

After 2 years of fighting

I leave the ring with pain

No use for pretending

that all could stay the same

Pre

So many words unspoken

So many chances slipped away

I don't know what your thinking now

Chorus

I know that this is what needed to happen

to bring new life, to dreams that had fallen

No other option

I wish you could understand

-----

All this time has allowed healing

to wash away the pain

Leaving no room for anger

still unforgiveness reigns

-----

And today if I could see you

I'd tell you that everday

is a chance to mend the fences

to learn to laugh again

I can't wait to continue to write more songs, seems like I've caught the bug.

Is it over now? hey, is it over now?

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel as though everything is against you and you seem to fail at everything and begin to doubt your giftings? Yeah, thats been my week.

I hate feeling inadequate especially as a musician, it's one of the most frustrating things especially here where I'm surrounded by such amazing musicians.

Seems as though there's so much going on in my life, and none of it is getting my full effort and attention, Im so spread out. Thus leaving me feeling as though I am slacking on homework but more importantly my relationships with everyone here.

I've considered eliminating sleep out of my life seeing as that seems to take up a lot of my time where I could be doing something way more productive. hah.

I have approximately 14 more assignments/exams/other left until the craziness ends.

3 more weeks. then a much needed break.

then It starts all over again.

and well next semester has the potential to be even crazier.

Lord give me the strength to finish off the semester in a way that brings you Honor and Glory.

Amen.

Begin. End. Begin. End. -pause-.

This past weekend 4 of my friends and I travelled 4.5 hours to attend 2 nights of worship with Kim Walker, something I have always dreamt of.

This passionate woman of God has inspired me in so many ways. She is so humble and you can tell from the first note that she wants no glory for herself, its all about Jesus. So full of the Spirit, so In love with Jesus.

God has been speaking to me over and over about Him being Everything.

There is such a battle going on inside of me, between what my flesh wants and what my spirit knows is right.

Sacrifice, is not something I have always been good at, something I guess God wants me to work on. I know that the reward will be worth it, it's just the first steps that are unbearably hard.

But I know that as I walk into this new season of my life, it's something that is going to be incredibly beautiful, and will bear much fruit within myself.

I don't know what it all looks like, but I trust the one who has called me, because He is faithful.

"I invite you King of Glory, come and have Your way"

My Everything

This past week in chapel the speaker was talking about priorities. Something I need to work on. My life is so busy, I have a lot going on with interning, lifegroup leading, school, friends etc etc. Why is it that when life gets busy the most important thing in my life gets put last on the 'to do' list? Jesus, forgive me for not putting you in your rightful place in my life. You must be first, and I must be last. More of you and Less of me (Jn 3:30) Lord be My Everything.

This is a song that I wrote for Songwriting Class, definetly describes where my heart is at right now. It's called My Everything

Be the air I breathe,

be the song I sing,

be the Wind under my wings,

Be the River of Hope,

that Floods my Heart

Jesus, Be My Everything

I know who you are

I know you're trustworthy

I know you are faithful

Jesus Be my Everything

Be the voice I hear

Be the truth I speak

Be the one who wipes my tears

Be the fountain of Joy

That flows through my soul

Jesus be My Everything

Be My everything

Be My everything

Be My everything

Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, Be My Everything

Ezekiel 47:12
"Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their Fruit will serve for food, and their leaves for healing."

Lord keep me planted on the banks of the river
that flows from Your heavenly sanctuary.

a time to remember and a time to forget

On March 3rd I wrote:

"I don't know what the future holds, I don't even know what tomorrow holds.

But I know that Jesus holds me in His hands, and He won't let me fall"

On June 1st I wrote:

" I spent the last month in Thailand, with an awesome group from my school. Before I left I had to make a decision that changed my life in an instant. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, one that never want to have to make again. But I know that God has a plan and the end will justify the pain it took to get me there"

As I look back on my blogs from over the past 6 months I am utterly amazed at the journey that God has taken me on. I never in a million years dreamt i'd be here both physically, spiritually and mentally. 2 words sum it up: Complete Transformation.

Im not who I was 6 months ago, I'm not even the person I was 3 months ago.

As I submit my life to God he daily continues to mold and shape me into who He originally planned for me to be.

It's been such a beautiful process, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, from death to life.

God I owe everything I am to you. Thank You for showing me grace, for redeeming my past, and for giving me a hope and a future founded fully on You.

I also want to thank my family and friends, who continually support, encourage and pray for me. I truly am blessed by each of you. I love you guys so much!

"You are my freedom, Jesus your the reason I'm kneeling again at your throne.

Where would I be without you here in my life?"

Thank You Jesus!

The Perfect Place.

All my hope is in you, everything I am is resting on the fact that You God are faithful.

and I know that you won't let me fall.

but why am i still worrying? why am i still scared?

God teach me to trust you, fully.

This Is Home

My life at present is filled with questions and pending decisions:

Do I apply for graduation?

Do I stay for another 2 years?

Where am I gettin money for next semster, let alone another 2 years?

Do I go on the 3 week or the 6 week tour?

What am I doing with my life?

What exactly is God calling me to do?

Am I putting enough time into peoples lives?

Am I being a good leader?

the list could go on....

But yet while all these questions swirl around me, I am at Peace.

Content, with where my life is at.
Not content as in "safe" or "comfortable"

But content as in, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.

I see your face in every sunrise...

Today was a day that I have been anticipating for the past week and a half.

We had all worship chapel this week, and it was more amazing then I had thought it could be!

God has gifted everyone here in an amazing way, and its so cool to see all those gifts come together for one purpose, to worship Jesus!

From worship to a testimonie to rapping to a drime, it all came together so beautifully and powerfully.

I was part of the Everything (Lifehouse) drime that we did. I was the lead character. I've seen the skit numerous times and every time it brings me to tears. So when I was asked I excitedly agreed, not realizing what I was actually getting into.

Not only did it take a huge physical toll on me, it definetly took a spiritual and emotional one as well.

I really wanted to be in character for this, but I have never felt seperated from God, nor have i cut myself, or drank alcohol. So i was asking God to really put this heavy on my heart so that I could bring forth the emotions and expressions that would make it real.

God spoke to me lastnight, and really put it into perspective. I may not know what it's like for myself to be far from God but I do know the pain of my family or friends being far from Him.

This skit was warfare. I fought hard, and I fought for them. For those who are struggling with these issues, those that are too weak to get through the barriers that stand between them and and their Redeemer.

It was hard, it was tough, and i felt the pain that came from the struggle.

But just when I thought i couldnt take anymore, One look from Jesus gave me the strength to get up one more time, only to be thrown down again.

But this time I didn't have to get up.

Jesus stepped in, took my pain upon himself, defeated my enemies, dusted me off and pulled me close.

This is the God I serve.

His hand is extended to you. The fight is hard, but its worth it.

No matter what youve done, His love doesn't change.

His arm's are wide open.

Lord, Can I have more of You?

Hello October

What a way to start off a new month. It's incredible the amount of things that have been happening in my life the past couple days. This past week was the beginning of a new year on the Jewish calendar, Gods calendar, and I feel as though I have definetly entered into a new season, a new year in my life. First let me tell of the amazing provision of Jesus. I have been avoiding checking my bank account for fear of discouragement over the fact that I didn't have enough money to pay the semester off. But after about a month of that I finally decided to check it. Lo and Behold I recieved a random cheque from the company I worked for this summer. Im not sure if it was for vacation pay or what and quite frankly I don't really care! All I know is that put me with enough money to pay my first semester bill!!!! I thank God everyday for the fact that His word and His promises never change.
All week I have been preparing for leading worship today in chapel. It was such an incredible time of worship, and just basking in Jesus' presence and allowing the truths of who He is to soak my heart. Leading up to today, I am still blown away by the support and love and encourgement that those around me have showered me with. It's amazing to be living in a place where people can see your potential, and not only see it but then speak and sow into it. PLBC family, YOU ARE AMAZING! I couldn't imagine my life without each and every one of you.
This month has recieved quite the kickoff, and I already have plans to end it with a bang!
Over and Over God is continuing to reveal Himself to me, and allowing me to go deeper and deeper in my relationship with Him. I can't explain the uncontrollable joy, the hope, faith and trust! God YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!
Today as we finished off chapel, I couldnt stop smiling when I heard this line play in the background:

"All of my life, in every season,

You are still God,

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship"

Amen :)

OK GO!

One thing that I absolutely love is when God confirms something that has been on my heart. Something that He has obviously planted there.

Yes! Thank you!

It's been too long for me to even remember the last time I walked down this road.

I dont know what to do, how to act, what to say or anything really.

Feels like I am in a car that is racing out of control, and there is no steering wheel.

I can't do this on my own, God please be my guide.

More then enough

John 14:8 says: "Philip said, "Lord show us the Father, and that will be enough for us"
The song Healer by Kari Jobe says: "I believe your more than enough for me"

If I need provision-God is enough for me

If I need comfort- God is enough for me

If I need direction- God is enough for me.

If I'm lonely-God is enough for me

If I'm struggling- God is enough for me

If I am hurting- God is enough for me

Even When things are going good- God is enough for me.

In everything we go through, our everyday situations, God is enough for Us.

it was all yellow..

I realized that the person I've been missing no longer exists.

I don't know who that person in the picture is.

The memories, both good and bad have faded.

Seems like it was a whole different world.

So long, stranger.

:D

I am truly incredibly blessed.

The people that God has placed in my life are so amazing.

They have impacted me , challeged me, encouraged me,

come along side me, and pretty much anything else amazing friends do!

Wait, their not just friends they are Family.

Then there is my Jesus!

He has already continued to work in me amazingly, and He's just continuing to blow my mind!

I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life, and I am so excited about what this year holds.

"I want to be like a tree, planted by the stream of living water"

I really am GOOD!

Everyday people ask me how I am doing, and I usually respond with a firm, and smile filled "Good!". But sometimes I get the feeling that not everyone believes thats how I am really feeling. I get this vibe that they think I should be a mess, that I should still be hurting, and that because I don't portray that I must be in some kind of denial. I guess I can see where they are coming from if you look at it through the natural eye. Or maybe they can relate to having a similar situation go on in their lives and they themselves still haven't dealt with it, even after many months. But everyones different, we deal with situations and emotions differently.

All I can say is that God did a MAJOR work in my heart this summer, because I let Him. I gave Him free reign, to remove, uproot, plant, prune, break, make and mold everything within my heart, soul, mind and my very being. It sucked sometimes, it hurt, it made me uncomfortable, it stretched me, and it humbled me. But Through it God made me trust him, surrender, and learn to find myself, my everything in Him. One of the biggest things He did in me was give me the grace to Forgive, over and over. Somedays this was the last thing I wanted to do, but when you hold bitterness and unforgiveness against people, it hinders yourself, not the other people.

From the beginning I decided that I wouldn't hold onto any grudges, hurts or bitterness, all of that I learned to surrender.

One of the big lessons that I learned this summer was that God will move powerfully within us and through us if we allow Him; trusting and knowing that He only has good in store for us. Ultimately that is why I can stand before you and tell you that "I am Good", and the reason I can talk about my summer and not have pain and hurts fill my heart.

I'm not saying that I've completed this process, cause I know I still have lots to learn. Im just saying that God is amazing, He is all powerful, and His ways aren't our ways, and for that I am incredibly thankful.

Fall

Well September is already 6 days upon me, and within those six days a lot has gone on.

It's been a week of going through a whole new process. Old memories, Old hurts, Old situations that I'd rather not recall, continued to fill my mind. I think that when something so huge ends in your life God likes to deal with every part of it, thus bringing up memories, allowing me to continue to forgive and let go. Don't get me wrong, I am definetly not hanging on, which is probably why this process has gone pretty smooth and rather fast.

I have received so much encouragement from the people here. I can't even count the amount of times I have been told that 1. I look so different 2. I have more joy then last year 3.I seem so free. It's not my best friends sayin these things either, it's people who I didn't get a chance to know till this past week. These words have confirmed so much in me, and encouraged me immensly.

I've also struggled this week with why I am here, and what am I goin to do with what I am learning here. Ive noticed that that becomes a lot more important when a large amount of money is involved. Money. I have zero dollars for next semester.

Finances is something I have never had to worry about till now. But even now I know that God has brought me here for a reason, and it's not to see me drop out because of something so stupid as money.

This summer has been about Trusting God, and this school year is goin to continue that theme. It's goin to be tough, trying, testing, but it's going to increase my faith and dependence on the 1 true God. Therefore I look forward, not with dread, but eager expectation of what God is going to do.

This year at is going to be amazing, and thats probably an understatement.

God, redeem me.

This home is full of painful dead memories.

God please take every one and replace it with something new.

looking back...

When I look back on this summer, I am amazed and I don't know if I can even begin to put it all into words. This summer has been unreal. Where do I even begin?

I'll try starting here.

This summer has been emotionally painful.

I've had to learn to let go and allow God to have His way in me, which isn't always a fun process.

I also had to let go of "what was". I had this stupid hope that some friendships might possibly remain the same, but after much hurt I had to let go of that too.

I have been and probably still am very misunderstood. My flesh has fought hard against Gods spirit in me, but in the end God wins, and I know that He will justify me. I dont need to defend myself, God knows, and well ive also learned the hard way that in the end only His opinion matters. He knows everything, and therefore He is the only one that has the right to judge me.

This summer has brought me incredible healing.

I never knew how hurt I was until Gods light shone upon my heart and spirit, especially in areas that I hadn't necessarily surrendered to Him. It's so amazing when God shows us how much we need Him, then so quickly fills us, and offers us His love and grace. God has revealed to me over and over in the last 4 months about the beauty of Grace. man its amazing!

God also brought me closure to certain areas in my life, not in ways I expected, but His closure allows healing to begin and thats been quite the process. God has also given me amazing friends who have encouraged me and prayed for me. There are so many ways I have recieved healing, probably one of the best ways it's come is just in my quiet times alone with God. :)

This Summer has built my faith.

There was a lot of things I feared heading into this summer, and surprisingly enough, not one of them even came to fruition. God has come through for me so incredibly! I got a job right when I got home, God opened doors for me to play guitar with incredible people, and when I spent time with Him, he never failed to reveal Himself to me. I also got asked to be a Lifegroup leader at school this year, and that gave me that boost of hope I needed to believe in myself and know that with Gods help I can do it.

Theres so many other things, I could go on forever! But this is getting long, and Im not one to usually write or read long blogs! haha.

Bottom line, This summer has been the best summer of my entire life. At times it has sucked and been hard, but now as I look back I can see the fingerprint of God on it all. I am so thankful that God loved me and continues to love me too much to leave me the way I am, and for that I owe Him my life.

&gb

I hate saying goodbye.

lyrics speak my thoughts.

Where are the people that accused me?

The ones who beat me down and bruised me

They hide just out of sight

Can't face me in the light

They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again

Take me where I've never been

I want to go there

This time I'm not scared

Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable

No one can touch me

Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going

But faith is moving without knowing

Can I trust what I can't see

To reach my destiny

I want to take control

but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch

That tries to hold you back

And turn your dreams to dust

All you need to do is just trust

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

-Unbreakable, Fireflight

How He Loves

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane,

I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

The Way He Loves Us

"Oh Lord, forgive what I have been, sanctify what I am, and order what I shall be"

- Thomas Wilson

Future's wide open :)

I look forward to the future.

I look forward to what God is doing and what he is going to do.

I feel like the another chapter of my life has closed and I have

entered into a new season.

A season of greater faith, bigger steps of faith, increased measure of Gods presence, a greater annointing, and a greater release of His supernatural power.

I'm ready to continue learning, and experiencing all that God has for me.

I have no clue what that all entails, but I know that it will be good, hard and stretching but good.

I know that God has placed a high calling on my life, and I am finally at a place where I can fully focus on pursuing all that God has planned.

I have no clue where I am going, or how I am going to get there,

But I guess that's where walking by faith comes into play.

"My whole life is yours, I give it all, surrender to your name, and forever I will pray: Have your way! Have your way!"

still holding on...

Why am I still holding on?

Why, when I look back do I wish that some things had never changed?

Why do i so quickly forget the bad times, the painful times?

Maybe because my flesh was more comfortable there,

I guess it's easier to compromise then risk having enemies.

I can't change what happened, I can't change the fact that i've been misunderstood, nor can I change the words that have been spoken.

I've never regretted anything, but somedays I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

But I can't, and I think that's a good thing.

My life's become a waiting game. Waiting on God, to do what, Im not exactly sure.

But I know that as I patiently wait, He will reveal, the pieces that are still missing.

One day I will see, why I've had to travel the path I have.

Until then, I wait, seek and worship, and live.

I realize this entry can be taken many ways, and I guess I'm ok with that.

God knows exactly what I am meaning, and I've come to realize, only his opinion matters anyways

-Jess

lyrics & verses.

This is what God has been speaking to me lately, pretty self explanitory:

"I know that you are for me

I know that you are for me

I know that you will never,

forsake me in my weakness

I know that you have come now

Even if to write upon my heart

To remind me who you are"

-"You are for me", Kari Jobe.

"If God is for me,

Who can be against me?

-Rom 8:31

Amen. :)

Goodbye July

This month has been filled with family and friends, and of course Jesus :)

I have learnt a lot about myself and my Saviour.

It's been a time of drawing close to His heart and

allowing his heartbeat to become mine.

Theres been ups and downs, good times and bad times

but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Goodbye July, - Hello August,

time goes by so fast...

It's been 3 months since this moment in Thailand.

Crazy how time flys!

Next trip please?

God please wash away the fears.

God please wash away the worries.

Fill me with hope.

Fill me with confidence

Fill me with You.

I choose to forgive.

I've learned a lot about forgiveness lately. I`ve come to realize that it means a lot more and it goes a lot deeper into the spiritual realms then we think.
There are many people I know who are living in unforgiveness even toward people who they don`t actually know. Does their unforgiveness affect that person? It does to a certain extent but in reality it is affecting themselves way more. Bring up that person to them and their tone changes, or they don't even want to talk about it. This isn't right nor is it healthy.

I don't know if we can really understand the power of forgivness until we are faced with situations and people that hurt us. It's easy to hang onto the wounded feelings or the "how could they do that to me?", "I can't let them get away with this" attitude. Entertaining these thoughts and allowing them to take root in our spirits is where bitterness and anger begin to creep in.
Sure we can justify our actions and make ourselves comfortable with our attitudes but on the day that the Lord returns we're going to have to give account for every wrong attitude, motive and judgement. There's not going to be anyone to blame but ourselves. Therefore we must, we must, we must, make sure that our hearts are right before God right now, no matter what so and so has done, or what they have said. God is concerned about you, and your relationship with Him, He will take care of the ones who have done you wrong.

Let's look at how Jesus dealt with this.
He was beaten, spit on, totally humiliated, rejected, falsely charged, and the very people he loved and came to the earth to die for CRUCIFIED HIM! If anyone in this world had the right to be offended, and angry it was Jesus. Instead he said:

"Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing"

-Luke 23:34

Wow. what an amazing example He has set for us today. What would it have accomplished if he had lashed out at them, or called them names, or defended himself. Absolutely nothing. It would have only hindered Him and His mission.

There have been a lot of memories flowing through my mind the last couple weeks, most of them being painful to recall. I haven't necessarily dealt with them in the right way until recently. God spoke to me and challenged me that everytime a hurtful moment comes to mind, I need say "I forgive that person for doing (whatever it was) to me". In hebrew/greek translations forgiveness means to "send away, or release". This is so true, I've come to realize that each time I say I forgive, the pain, anger and disappointment from that situation is released and gone, never to return again. I also feel that I have released the people as well.

It's seriously transformed my emotions and literally my life!.

Unforgiveness and all that comes with it binds us, and stops us from being able to move forward in every area of our lives. It's really not worth it.

I know that it isn't easy and I definetly don't have it all figured out, but I'd encourage you to allow God to search your heart and if need be reveal people and situations where you are harboring unforgiveness, and deal with it right away. Then watch how God moves in your life!

Theres so much more that could be said on this topic, but I'll end with a verse that puts it all into perspective.

"If you forgive men when they sin against you,

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins,

your Father will not forgive your sins."

-Matt 6:14,15

Keep Looking forward.

Tonight I was reading "The Divine Mentor" by Wayne Cordeiro, and God really spoke to me through it.
Here is an excerpt from a journal entry that he wrote:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Polishing trophies and pondering mistakes can both rob me of my future. Although accolades are nice, I must, as Paul instructs, forget what lies behind and press forward to what lies ahead. It's in what's ahead that potential is found, promise is discovered, hope is uncovered, expectations are released, and vision is fashioned.

Only when I begin to look forward will I see the roadways in the wilderness and the rivers in the desert. Pondering the past will leave me blind. Rehearsing my hurts or licking my wounds will also steal my tomorrows. I will grab the lessons, thank "Consequences" for its brutal but effective teaching method, and then move forward to better my future. As C.S Lewis said "When you keep your face toward the sun, the shadows will always fall behind you.""

Thank you Lord for speaking to me today, this is exactly what I needed to hear.

Yet I Will Praise You.

In my devotions lately I have been reading about Job, specifically Chap. 1: 13-22. Those verses tell of Job's family, and livestock being totally eliminated. Not only was his closest loved ones killed but he also lost all his lively hood.
How would you feel if you lost your family and your job?
I would probably be very angry with God, and wouldn't want to continue serving Him. I would be asking questions like "God how could you let this happen, I have served you faithfully, how did I deserve this?"
For those of you that know Job's story you know that he didn't react that way at all. In fact he reacted in a manner totally opposite of how most of us would feel like reacting.
He fell to the ground and worshipped Jesus, the one who gave and the one who took away.

Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Wow, what an amazing example he sets for us today.
I've been through alot of "storms" this past year and especially in the last couple weeks, but nothing compared to what Job had to go through. I've come to realize that none of the things we face in life are big enough reason to not Praise God through them. It makes such a difference in our lives and in the lives of those around us how we react to trials.
I'd encourage all that are reading this to Trust that God knows what is going on in your life, and his plans and his purposes will prevail no matter how hopeless you feel or how big the situation seems. God has a plan, He Is in control. You can put full hope in Him, remembering His character and how he loves each and every one of us.
I recently bought the new Hillsong Cd and one of the songs on it is called "Desert Song".
It goes along quite well with this theme, so I'll end with the lyrics:

Verse 1:

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith provedOf more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:

All of my life

In every seasonYou are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

Verse 4

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've recieved I will sow

Amen.

You are Good

The Lord never ceases to amaze me.

I was sitting at my computer after work wasting time playing some game, when I began to listen to the lyrics of the song that was blasting from my speakers. The chorus goes:

"Spending time with you. Not a moment goes by. That you're not by my side. Spending time with you. You're all that I want. Why's it so hard to do."

At first I thought they were just talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend situation but then the Lord spoke directly to me through them that I needed to get off my comp and spend some time with him. It just so happened that I had allowed my self to start entertaining ridiculous thoughts about my current single status I've never been one to indulge in self pity, but I thought "hey why not for one night". Ironically this morning my devotion was about setting our minds on things above and not focusing on ourselves or things that the world deems important.

God quickly reminded me of what I had read this morning and so I logged off and began journaling. Stirred by a blog my friend wrote a couple days ago I began to make a list of all the reasons why Jesus is the Love of my Life, and it didn't take me long for me to fill the page.

But something happened that I really wasn't expecting. While i began to think of #14, the song "You are Good" by Kari Jobe came on and as i pondered my next reason, God began to dig deep inside of me and rip out hurts and feelings that I hadn't yet released.

I began to cry the most gut wrenching cry I have ever heard in my entire life, a cry that I'm glad only God heard.

It's not fun having wounds resurface, but i'm glad that God was there to bring it up and replace the lies with His truths.

When I was finally able to breathe again I realized a burden had been lifted that I didn't even know was weighing me down.

Thank You Jesus that you love me too much to leave me the way that I am.

I encourage you all to spend time with God, listen to what He is saying to you, perhaps in the song that you are listening to or the thoughts that have been going through your head.

He only has good for us, and no matter how much it migh hurt sometimes, it's worth every second. I can't even begin to fully explain how I feel right now, all I know is that God is good and I forever stand in amazement at what He has done and what He is continuing to do in me.

Thank you Lord :)

Thinking out loud

I recently read Proverbs 4, and a few verses stuck out to me and won't leave my mind.

Lets start at verses 5-7

"Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.
Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding"

I've been thinking a lot about wisdom lately, and it just so happens that I have been reading about it a lot in the bible. From what I understand God thinks wisdom and understanding are of utmost importance.But what does it mean to be wise? What does it mean to have understanding?

A non-believer once told me that I am wise beyond my years, somedays I agree but other days not so much. The dictionary describes wisdom as knowledge of what is true joined with judgement between what is right and wrong. Hmm. I think i understand that. But for some reason I am finding it hard to process this and make whats in my heart compute with my brain.

God Grant me wisdom and understanding, not for my own gain, but that I can help others and further your kingdom.

The next verse that has me thinking is vs. 23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"

What exactly does guarding my heart look like? I don't think it's about putting up walls and being closed off to people, and I know its much deeper then I can comprehend.

As I have entered into a new season in my life I have come to realize that I haven't guarded my heart very well. We all know that physically our heart is one of the main organs that keeps us alive, well the same is true spiritually. When our hearts are heavy and burdened the rest of us is as well. In the bible it says "from the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" Its easy to tell where some peoples hearts are at by the way they speak. It is our lifes wellspring. That really puts it into perspective. I need to guard my heart from becoming bitter and hardened because of past issues. I am a person that trusts people easily, and sometimes I give my heart away to quickly, which usually leads to getting hurt.

I really do have lots to learn.

God teach me how to guard my heart, and in the meantime please protect it.

**This entry is kind of all over the place, im still trying to sort all this out, if you have anything youd like to add feel free!

Trust

Trust. It's something that can take years to earn and about one second to lose. It is a key ingredient to every part of our lives. We trust that a chair will hold us up when we sit down, that our car will start when we turn the key, that we will get a paycheck every second Friday, and that our friends will always be there for us. There's a lot of things we put our trust in these days without even giving it a second thought, so why is it that when things happen unexpectedly or we face trials do we sometimes find it hard to trust God even though He has never let us down?

Situations and circumstances have changed and are continuing to change in my life and my family's lives. Suddenly securities we had are no longer there, and from a fleshly perspective the future looks uncertain.

We don't know what tomorrow holds, or next week therefore we can't be in control which is something that us humans don't really like.

During these times I have to remind myself of God's promises to me.

Lets look at a few:

DT 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Jer 30:17 "I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord"

Phil 4:19 "And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus"

It's hard to trust God with major things that affect our lives such as finances, our health, relationships and jobs.

Sure we can say that we trust Him but when you actually start walking through some of these troubles, you quickly realize exactly where your trust is or isn't.

Its also in these times where it is good to look back and see where God has brought us from.

I'm sure we can all recall situations in which we seen no hope and now that we have been through them we see that God was at work the whole time.

God is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Heb 13:8)

Therefore if He came through for us then, He will still come through for us today. Sure it's never in our timing or in our way but its always the perfect timing and the perfect way.

I have realized that this summer is going to be one where I go deeper with God and really learn the meaning of trusting Him. He has taken me through so much and is continuing to. I'm not always sure of the why behind it all but I know that He is preparing me for things I will face later in life, or maybe even tomorrow.

When I look back at this point in my life I want to be able to see not how much I doubted or wallowed in self pity but how much I grew in my faith and walk with Jesus.

This might be a tough summer, but I know that I can trust God through everything that my family and I go through, no matter how dim or hopeless the situation looks.

I would like to encourage you all right now, no matter what you are facing God is not to small nor his hand to short to reach you and hold you. You can trust him with your life, rest in his peace knowing he walks along side you every step of the way.

God I lay it all at your feet, Have your way, and help us to keep our eyes on you.

I was made to love

"Teach me to be humble

Call me from the grave

Show me how to walk with you

upon the waves

Breathe into my spirit

Breathe into my veins

Until only love remains "

God teach me to love as you have loved me.

amen.

My Job

About 3 weeks ago I started working at my local Winners Store. I thought it would be quite boring just picking up clothing all day but i quickly found out that it is much more then that!

I have been trained a Cashier, Clothing Processor in the Warehouse, Fitting Room attendant, and working in Zone 2.

Minus Cashier which I don't mind too much, the other jobs are my favourite.

Zone 2 -includes, Mens, Childrens, Toys, Home Decor, Seasonal and Shoes.

I love working in Home Decor, I guess it's because I am used to it from my last job. Shoes is thee worst job because you have to go around and put all the matches together and then you find 2 of the same shoes but the same foot....who the heck buys 2 of the shoes with the same foot?! Its not even uncommon we have a whole cart full of them!

Processing Clothing- For this job you get to stand in the warehouse, away from all the customers and unload all the boxes of clothing. Then if they are over $19.99, you put a sensor tag on it. Then the correct hanger and the correct size nub. It is quite a mindless job, but I have found that I enjoy those! This job is also fun because you get to talk to the people with you and don't get in trouble for it!

Fitting Room- This is both a sweet, boring and awkward job!. Its sweet because well im not really sure, its just easy i guess. Its boring because sometimes it's not very busy and all you can do is stand there waiting unless they have clothes for you to process. Its awkward because Guys ask you their opinion on clothing, women too but guys are more awkward!. I dont know if I should tell them if it looks bad, im not even sure if I'm allowed to because im sure we just want their money! hahaha. What a predicament!

While working here I have come to the realization that people steal, and are as annoying here as they were at the old store i worked at! I dont understand thieves, so ridiculous! And its ususally the ones you dont expect, like middle aged women!

Overall, this job is awesome. Plus the people are so friendly and easy to get along with which makes it even better. Thank You Lord for always providing for me!

Lets begin.

I've decided to start over and use this blog for what I orignally created it for.

To uplift, encourage and inform people of what I have been up to.

The Past is the past, and to drag it out is pointless.

All has been forgiven and now it is time to refocus.

It doesn't matter who is right, who is wrong, or anything else along those lines.

What matters in this life is Jesus Christ.

Philippians 3:8

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

Amen.