2011 Reflections

Near the end of every December I write up a blog about what I've learn't over the past year. It's something that gives me perspective and that will later be a reminder of another step in the journey that God has me on.

These are the major lessons that 2011 taught me:

1. Change is inevitable - usually painful - but always worth it

2. Sometimes God takes people out of your life to make room for new people

3. I need to hold my dreams, hopes, plans and my very life with open hands and allow God to take and do with them what he pleases.

4. Tomorrow is not guaranteed therefore nothing & no one should be taken for granted

5. I need to not be so serious

6. Spontaneity is a must

7. God's timing is perfect and patience is key.

8. The plans I create for myself are so small compared to the plans God has in mind.

I am so thankful for where God has taken me this year. There has been tears, heartache and loneliness but it's ended in wholeness, joy and a renewed hope & vision. I just stumbled upon a blog I wrote on Jan 3rd of this year in which I listed what 2011 was going to be for me....and it's crazy to look at that and see the process I went through in order for the majority of those desires to come to fruition.

This year has been phenomenal! I never expected to be where I am now, to be close to the people I am, to have the job I have and not to mention all the opportunities I've received. I am so blessed and thankful for the journey that God has me on. No matter how tough it may be at times, I wouldn't change any of it for the world!
Here are some of the highlights:

I see your face in every sunrise....

I snapped this picture, on my 8am flight, as God reminded me of how infinitely vast he is. I've recently been overwhelmed by fears and insecurities that stem from past hurts and disappointments. I've realized that it's so easy to get caught up in a situation and forget about the big picture. All I saw in these moments of struggle was the thick layer of clouds over my head, but God sees this struggle in light of the big picture of who he is calling me to be.  He is the sun, who shines high above the clouds where the skies are clear, blue, peaceful, and calm. He sees all and is always present despite the dark & heavy clouds that seem to block out his light.  This gives me so much peace, comfort and joy.
No matter what we face, God is always present walking with us through every hurt, pain, joy, victory, sorrow, disappointment, win, and struggle.
I am so thankful that God puts me into situations that cause me to dig deep into the areas of my heart that I've kept hidden and locked up. It's tough, messy and sometimes unpleasant but so worth it.
God, please have your way in me as I try my best to let you tear down all my walls. 

Time goes by...

10 days till utter relaxation  

10 days till I can fully breathe again  

10 days till I stop missing my family  

10 days till I am no longer pulled in 100 directions  

10 days till I fly home.

...God help me to finish well.

sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how I need to hold everything I have been given with open hands. My possessions, my friends, my plans, my hopes, and my dreams. I don't want to hold so tightly to something that it destroys me if the Lord sees it fit to remove it from my life.  Life is often seriously sobering in it's way of dealing with life and death. Today I realized that I need to hold my very life with open hands.

He is God. I am not. 

He knows what's best. I don't.

Theres no way I will ever be able to fathom the mysteries of God and why he allows some to suffer, why he takes some early and others late, and why he has chosen pain as the means to cause us to grow. 

I will never understand God, and the faster I realize that and just trust that he knows what he is doing, the better life will be.

God teach me how to have open hands.... 'cause honestly it scares the heck out of me.