For You, My God, are greater still.

For about a good month now I have been reflecting upon the last year and making a point of seeking God for the areas that He wants to work on in 2011. This is how I would sum up 2010:

• A  year of challenge, lessons learned the hard way, and a time of really discovering who I am and what my callings are.
• It’s been a season of continually battling through distraction after distraction in order to catch a greater glimpse of who God is. As I look back on my blogs and journal entries I see a constant desire to go deeper and to encounter “the more” of God.
• I’ve learnt how to be honest with myself and others about areas of struggle and insecurity in my life and have been equipped with the tools to deal with pain, conflict and daily life situations in a healthier way.
• I’ve learnt how to be obedient, even when it means going back where I swore I would  never. Included in that is surrender, Daily giving up my will in order to do what God is asking me to.
• I’ve learnt how to truly worship. To be free to express my love for God through dance, and song. Realizing that worship isn’t conditional, its commanded whether I feel like it or not.
• I’ve learnt that no other human being will protect my heart for me so I need to not be passive in guarding it.
• I’ve learnt to speak less, and pray more.
• I’ve learnt that God is faithful, closer than my skin and greater than my mind can comprehend
• Finally, I’ve learnt that God’s plans for me are bigger and crazier than my wildest dreams, and He will bring them to fruition.

Within the last month God has tied up every loose end in my life and given me a clean slate to write upon in the new year. I don’t believe in coincidence, therefore I know that God is up to something huge and I can’t wait till He reveals it to me!

God thank You for every open door you placed before me within the past year. Thank you for taking me across the country and back. Thank you for every person you’ve placed in my life. Thank you for every trial and tribulation, and every bit of hurt and pain that you have brought me through. You are unbelievably incredible and worthy of all praise and adoration. Here is my heart, my soul, my life, do with it what You please.

So here closes another year, another chapter in my life. Sorry 2010, but 2011 is going to blow you out of the water.

Now boldly I approach Your throne.

This afternoon I went through 2 boxes which I refer to as my “Memory boxes”. I have put letters, certificates, notes, pictures, drawings, and anything that was meaningful to me from about 2001-2006. When I was younger I had a calendar every year and in it I would fill it with birthdays and events. As I looked through them, I realized that I had written down significant spiritual moments, such as the first time I felt comfortable closing my eyes in worship. It makes me laugh  now, but at that time it was huge!  As I reread letters I had sent to my high school school board, and journal entries, I was hit hard with how child like, bold, pure and unhindered my faith was. I didn’t hold back what I believed. Each month I assigned 1 person from my class to pray for each day. It’s crazy to see how Gods hand has been upon me since I was young. No one told me to act and do the things I did, it all flowed out of my love for Jesus. Nearly 8 years ago I never thought God would use my past to inspire, challenge and encourage me.  It has really shown me the importance of journaling and recording what God has done,the struggles I have gone through and where God has taken me.  It could be what spurs me on 10 years from now.

2011 presents another chance to change history, to continue to create a legacy, and to believe for the impossible. In 2011, I will embrace child like faith – If God has promised it, I’ll believe for it no matter how crazy you think I am. My God is HUGE and it’s about time I start living like He is.

I believe You will come like the rain

My spirit is stirring and my heart is burning as the new year approaches.  This coming year is going to bring a lot of change in my life. It’s going to take a deeper level of faith and trust in order to walk it out. There is so much going on in my head and heart regarding decisions that I need to make regarding my positioning for the future.

This Christmas break has been really great for me spiritually. It’s allowed me to take a few steps back and really look at what I’ve been through and where I am going. God has used the last week to clear my head, and cast vision for the direction I am headed. It’s been amazing.  As I look back on 2010 I realize that I didn’t take a lot of important things seriously, and I therefore wasted a lot of time. But I don’t have time to mess around this year. I don’t have time to get caught up in things that distract me from my calling. This year is pivotal to the rest of my life – I don’t know if I fully grasp that yet..but I will soon.

As 2010 draws to a close, take some time to reflect, and seek God for what He’s saying over your life. It’s important that we don’t miss a thing.

Lord open the floodgates of heaven, may we receive a greater revelation of who You are and what You are doing.

Soak us with Your presence, saturate us with Your love, flood us with Your truth.

Prepare us for battle.

It’s never too late.

 

About 2 weeks ago someone apologized to me for how they treated me 5 months ago.

A few days later another person who hurt me over 1.5 years ago, made contact with me, which is better than an apology.

Last night another person apologized to me for something they had done to me almost a year ago.

I didn’t need any of these, in fact I had more than moved on from all of the above situations.  But it was nice, and God used it to really seal the work He had done in my heart.

All this goes to show that it’s never ever to late to apologize for something you have done. No matter how big or small, no matter if your still good friends or not, no matter if you have moved on or not. It’s still worth sincerely saying.

When I needed a place to hang my heart, you were there to wear it from the start.

Time for a semester recap.

I came into this semester so pumped and ready for what God was going to do.I came in thinking I would lead..but ended up being led, in a good way. I don’t think I realized how much God was going to do in my heart.

Things I’ve learned:

1. Worship can’t ever be based on feeling. We worship God because of who He is because no matter how crappy we feel, He is and always will be worthy.

2. Confession and repentance are key to walking in freedom. When you fall into sin, no matter how big or small it seems, be quick to tell someone you trust so that it can’t gain a foothold in your life.

3. Life runs smoother when God’s word has been read and meditated on.

4. Pray more, speak less.

My favourite moments:

The past 3.5 months has been filled with challenges, a lot of stretching, incredible opportunities, healing, and many lessons learned the hard way. It’s been tough, stressful, exhausting but also extremely exciting, encouraging and fun. It’s been a great end to a fabulous year.

I’d like to thank my PLBC family, for their encouragement, challenges, inspirations and love. I can’t imagine my life without you.

You know me so well

I have never trusted God more in my life than I currently do in this very moment.

I have never known deeper then right now, exactly how much God really does know the desires of my heart, Even the ones I’ve deemed impossible.

Never stop praying, never stop believing, never stop seeking, because God knows the (Godly) desires of our hearts and honours them in His timing. It may take weeks, months or in my case it took 1.5 years, but God does and always will answer.

I may have deemed that imperfect timing, but now as I look back and then forward I can’t help but laugh, because Gods timing is so unbelievably perfect. 

I’ve got 100 steps to go, tonight I’ll make it 99.

I’m so excited that 2010 is nearly over. There are so many things in 2011 that I want to do differently, so many things I want to start over. A lesson I learned hard this year was that You can’t do the same thing over and over and expect to get a different result.  It just doesn’t work that way. As I’ve been walking through the last sections of my Freedom Session course I’ve been extremely challenged to set a plan and have someone hold me to it.  I talked in an earlier post about having an “independent spirit”. Since that post God has revealed to me over and over how much I have acted in that way.

1. In my daily devotions: many times they don’t happen because I don’t make them a priority. What am I saying to God by that? Well its says that I don’t need to read my Bible and pray because I can do life on my own, but that is false.  In order to live a life of freedom, discipline and ultimately Christlikeness, You need a foundation built on the Word.

2. In my daily life: I’m a dreamer, and I set goals but don’t always meet them. God has called me to certain things, yet I’m not working while I wait. This shows that I lack discipline and would rather be lazy. Strong accountability is required!

Devotions and discipline are the 2 biggest things God wants me to work on. I think that they are foundational to everyone’s lives. If we aren’t rooted in the word, there is no way we are going to stand strong when life’s storms rage around us and if we aren’t disciplined now it will be even harder to be in the future.

If God has called to you be a musician: practice and song write

If God has called you to be a youth pastor: get involved with a youth group

If God has called you to be a electrician: become an apprentice

Don’t wait till you’re older or feel more qualified. Don’t wait till your “big break”. We can walk out our callings daily, no matter where God has you currently planted.  Let God search your heart and reveal to you where he wants to mold you, then create a manageable plan, and ask someone who is older and wiser to hold you accountable.

2011, is going to be unreal.

It can’t be roses all the time.

“I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand” –Ps 40:1,2

There has only been a handful of times in my life, that I can vividly recall feeling like I was in a slimy pit, and was scared I wouldn’t get out. The past week has been one of those times.

A slimy pit of stress, worry, shame, sadness, confusion,exhaustion, and heaviness. It’s been over a year since I’ve cried as hard and as deep as I have in the past few days. It’s been a mess, and hopelessness was knocking hard at my door.

I take times like these extremely serious, because I know that how I deal with them will greatly affect my future. I was faced with 2 choices, give up, or step up.

Giving up seems like a good choice in the moment but I knew that if I stopped fighting the fight that I would be consumed by bitterness, doubt and hurt. Those words don’t line up with who God has created me to be, and they definitely don’t have a place in my future.

So I am choosing to step up, to let God lift me – in His timing – out of the slimy pit. It started with worship. I love to dance, and for the past week it’s been on my heart. So despite how crappy I felt today, I danced. When my feet left the ground a smile crossed my face and I knew that there was no way I was going to let Satan take me out of this race.

No matter how much is going wrong. No matter how much I don’t understand. No matter how burdened I am. No matter how stressed out I am. No matter how many times I’ve failed. I will stand firm, and declare Your goodness and love over every situation I find myself in, even when I have yet to see it. There are some things in life that I don’t need to understand. I just need to trust.

God I know who You are and what You are capable of for you’ve written it upon my heart.

You are the lifter of my head.

Are you feeling burdened?

Are you feeling broken?

Are you consumed with heartache?

Do you feel hopeless?

Do you feel ashamed?

Do you feel weak?

Do you feel like you’ll never get it right?

Do you feel rejected and oppressed?

Are you stressed?

Are you feeling exhausted? Frustrated? Sad? Forgotten? Alone?

I have felt the majority of these emotions within the past week, I feel like God has forced me to my knees and I have no clue how to get up. All I know is that God never drops us to our knees without a purpose.

Let your pain drive you to Jesus. Let it stir in you a desperation to go deeper and search harder. Let it motivate you to learn the needed lesson and do it right next time. Let it open your heart to God’s love, grace, correction and discipline. Let it teach you obedience. Let it slow you down enough to hear God’s voice. 

Don’t let the any of these emotions overcome you to the point of giving up on God. Don’t let it cloud your vision to the point where you no longer desire to see the unseen.

Let God lift your head because where there is pain there is purpose, and where there is purpose there is hope, and where there is hope there is victory.

Somehow You make all that I wasted useful again.

I’m tempted to write my yearly reflection, but I’m thinking it’s still to early. Instead I’ll write about one aspect of it. As I look back on the year, I see something that I wish wasn’t there, and that’s an independent attitude. So many times I find myself thinking and acting as if I can do life without God. As if I have a clue of what is best for me at any given moment. Times when I rushed ahead of Gods plan, only to find out what I was chasing after wasn’t even in the plans. Moments when I thought I knew better. Innumerable accounts of impatience, wrapped in selfish desire.

foolish. so foolish.

I feel like God must laugh at me a lot, and I’m ok with that. I can just imagine him watching me, and chuckling to himself, as I run around in circles trying to figure something out that I was never meant to grasp in the first place!

The most amazing thing about this though, is God’s patience with me. No matter how many times I stray from the path and attempt to create my own way, He always draws me back. He lets me run until I can no longer feel my legs and I helplessly fall to the ground. From there, He picks me up and carries me back to the center of His heart, where He corrects and disciplines me once again. Then he dusts me off and, while pointing straight ahead, says “This is the way, let’s go.”

He does the same thing for all His children. Wow, what love, grace, and hope we have been given! It’s revelations like these that give me the strength to get up every morning, knowing that no matter what happens, God is present and able to handle it.

Pursue God will everything that is within you. If you fall, let him pick you up and dust you off, then keep going. Don’t let things like impatience, worry and doubt side track you because as long as you are faithfully and obediently walking out the path God has pointed out for you, everything you need will come at the best possible times! So let God use your previous shortcomings to make you more like Him, and live in freedom knowing you don’t have to keep making the same mistakes.

Now go live, love, dream, dance, serve, seek and everything else that God has called you to do! :)