take me back to the day...

Verbal communication is a lost art. 

can't we just talk?

...we found love in a hopeless place.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are put into a situation where you have previously failed miserably in the same way over and over?

I had one of those moments this week, and for once I did it right. 

For once I feel like I finally listened to God's still small voice.

For once I feel empowered and not trampled upon.

For once, I feel free... scared, but free.

I can't stop smiling about it.

You are God, of all else I'm letting go...

This past weekend some friends and I had the privilege of leading worship at a church in Oak Harbor, Washington. It was an amazing time of fellowship, encouragement and building new friendships. While I was there I observed something that hit me in a deep and profound way.  The Pastor is an amazing guy who is not only a full time pastor but also a husband and father.  On the first night, while we were sitting in a multi million dollar house eating way too much food, we were introduced to his 3 children. When they walked in the door, he got up quickly and with great excitement as his children ran into his arms yelling "Daddy! Daddy!". He greeted them like he hadn't seen them in days, but in reality it was only a few hours.  He spent the rest of the night watching over them, playing games and just soaking in every moment he had with them.  That same night, as we prepared for the worship night and tons was going on, his kids arrived and received the same open, welcoming embrace.  He could have so easily told them he was busy, that he would see them later, or even scolded them for their exuberance.  For some reason, and to my own horror, I expected those things to happen and when they didn't, God burst into my heart and said: 

"That's how I act when you come to me, that is how excited I am when we spend time together.  No matter how many times we talk each day, each conversation is fresh, captivating and beautiful"

It nearly brought me to tears. Without even realizing it, I've allowed this "image" of a God who is rigid, patience-less, bored with me, or who has better things to do than spend time with me, invade my heart and replace the truth of who God really is. He is loving, kind, compassionate, he adores his children, loves to spend time with them and would do anything (even give his very life) to give them the best life possible.  

God I pray that this would soak into the deep recesses of my heart. May your true identity and character swallow up all those thoughts, ideas and lies that have crept in. I pray your children would have a greater revelation of who you are, what you are capable of and how much you love them.

Thank you for being such a loving Father.

Let's be honest..

The #1 thing I think about is me. What is best for me? what should I do today? What is going to make me happy? How can I further myself? How can I become better?  I, Me, I, Me, I, Me. 

What about him, her, them?

Recently I've been so focused on what I am doing after school and of course this is important to ponder, pray and seek God about but I'm starting to wonder if I am way off base. I've been questioning my motives for wanting to go to Bethel or IHOP and also for wanting to leave here.

 If I'm honest with myself, the majority of my motives are pretty blurred and selfish. 

I want to position myself in a place where I can gain a name for myself, I want to run with the big wigs of worship leading and the Christian faith, I want to find a guy, and I want to run from the hurts and issues that are here in hopes that they won't find me in america. 

Tonight I hung out with some new friends who are stumbling through their first year of PLBC trying to find the ropes and mostly learning the hard way. They asked me "Who do you see in the first year class, that will be like you and your friends in 4th year? The person who will lead retreats & is given leadership roles?"  I looked them in the eye and said "Every single one of you has the potential to be on SLT,  a retreat worship leader or staff member, it's just a matter of you doing your best and pushing yourself forward in the callings that God has placed on your life" 

We hung out for a while, them asking questions and me trying my best to give them answers, and for once it wasn't about me.  I wasn't trying to impress them with my "vast amount of 4th year knowledge" nor was I in it to benefit myself. My heart ached for them to understand their purpose, the importance of having a godly attitude toward gratis & classes, how their daily choices affect who they are in 4 years, and most importantly how vital it is for them to fix their attention on Christ. 

I've been put in a place of influence, and tonight I really felt the joy, hope and fulfillment of pouring into those God has placed in my life.  They may not have gotten anything out of it, but God sure spoke to me.  I need to stop thinking about how fast I can get out of here and instead focus on giving God my best and using my time to lead, guide and pour my life into the generations coming up behind me.