Life is but a breath.

I'm quickly realizing how short life really is.
It's almost been a year that I've been single, last year at this time I thought it would never come, and now its almost here and gone.
I am quickly nearing the end of my second year of school. I thought it would take much longer than it has, or maybe i wished it would.
There are seasons for everything. It's hard for me to understand that, and live that out without feeling loss. I sat at the dorm meeting a few nights ago and it suddenly hit me that I only have a few weeks left with some of these people. Most I will see again in the fall, but theres one I have to say goodbye to forever. He's my bro, and I've only gotten to know him this past year. I hate goodbyes, especially ones that break my heart. Not in an exboyfriend kind of way, but in the way of no one can replace this person, no one will even come close.
Unfortunately this is life, this is what happens. Im the kind of person that likes to hold tightly to all the good things in my life, never seeing any reason to have to leave them behind. But I know that there are even greater things that lay ahead.
Every ending is the beginning of something new.
I don't fear this school year ending, or the summer ending, or my time at PLBC ending. I will miss it when the time for each comes, but I know that I am on an incredible journey that is going to allow me to cross paths with amazing people and have once in a life time oppurtunities.
Lord help me to make the most of them, and I thank you for the people that you have placed in my life. I am truly blessed beyond measure, and for that I can't thank you enough.

I want to believe.

Ever since I can remeber I've had a dream, a deep desire to do 1 thing with my life. I gave up on that dream years ago, and threw it aside as a childish whim. But it won't leave. Deep down inside under everything I've buried it under, it's still there calling out to me. People ask me what My dreams are and I usually answer with "I don't even know" but thats a lie. I have a dream, its huge, and it's unattainable in my own efforts, it could even be labelled impossible. But i'm to scared to tell anyone. I can count the number of people on my hands that actually know what it is. It's not that someone told me I can't do it, or that I dont have what it takes. It's me, I've told myself that it will never happen, or more likely I've believed a lie that satan has planted in my mind.
I've come to realize lately that everyone believes in me, everyone except me.
I ask myself why I don't belive myself, and I am at a loss for words. What is it that holds me back from pursuing what I truly believe God has placed on my heart? What is it that keeps me from sharing my dreams? The only reason I have is fear. Fear of man, fear of failing, fear of it being a childish whim, fear of it not coming to pass, it all boils down to fear.
I can't live by fear any longer.
Satan I rebuke and cut off the lies that you have spoken to me regarding my future and what I am capable or incapable of. For God has placed a calling on my life and there is nothing that is going to stop me from going after it, especially not you.
Lord prepare my heart, take this dream, and teach me to believe in myself.