Liberty.

I have been blogging twice as much as usual because God has been speaking to me so much as of late. Today we had all worship chapel, and we did a song called Deliverer. I have listened to this song numerous times but today it hit my heart in a new and powerful way. The bridge goes like this: ``And Your blood is enough to break every chain`` The team sang that over and over and as I sang it God pierced my mind and revealed to me that He is strong enough to break every chain that is holding me back. The chains that hold my mind captive. The chains that keep me bound by thought patterns. The chains that keep my heart from trusting. The chains that keep me from standing up for what I believe in. The chains of confusion, doubt, regret, shame, and worry. They are all broken IN JESUS NAME.

The devil almost had me believing that i`d struggle with these forever. Now he has to bow because I know God`s truth and it`s hit my heart with such intensity that every rusty chain satan had bound around me is demolished, leaving me free and him defeated once again. haha!

``He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men`` – Psalms 107:14,15

Stir it up in my heart.

 

When I talk about my passion and love for Christ, I look for eyes that light up and people who come alive. I’m not pushing for understanding, just looking for a pulse

Out of the ashes we rise.

All my life I have suffered with a disease known as “people pleasing”. I based my decisions on what would make those around me happy, and usually giving up my own happiness in the process. I let their thoughts override my own and I lived to meet their expectations instead of God’s alone. I compromised on so many convictions just to keep those around me happy. Why?!. Why didn’t I have a spine?! Why didn’t I fear the Lord instead of man? Why today do I still struggle with this? Why do I fear what people will say? Why do I fear their judgments? Why can’t I stand up for what I believe in amongst fellow believers? why?.

I am a nice person, I forgive easily, I have a soft heart, I care deeply about the people in my life, I don’t want to hurt anyone ,and I want those around me to be happy. These are all great desires and characteristics but there was a time in my life when I thought these were negative. As God began to reveal this to me He also began to show me that these qualities are straight from His heart. The problem was that people had been abusing, taking advantage of and using them for their own selfish gain.

I can’t waste another moment of my life worrying about what others think, or expect of me. God is my judge, and only his expectations are the ones that need to be met. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to correction and If my sister or brother in Christ sees me living outside of Gods plan I would want them to confront me, but don’t confront me about how I didn’t meet your unsaid expectations. That’s not my problem or fault.

I realize this can come across kind of harsh, but I’ve spent too much of my short life living for others and carrying around worry and fear that I’m not meant to. Today is a new day, and I chose to live it for God alone. The fear of not meeting peoples expectations keeps my heart bound, but God’s truth sets it free.

In His freedom I will live.

I don’t need a sign, I just need to begin.

I’ve changed. My heart, character, and everything that’s included in that has changed, or been altered. Perhaps it’s because I’ve surrounded myself with people who challenge me, or maybe because I’m reading books that are explaining the scriptures in ways that blow my mind and demand my life to come into alignment with Christ’s or perhaps it’s simply because I am open and willing for the Lord to teach me and deal with me as He pleases. A mix of all the above and more I’m sure.

This semester I am taking a course called Freedom Session that deals with pain, unforgiveness, abuse and many other issues that have happened in people’s lives. I came into the course willing to be open and honest with myself about whatever came up. What I didn’t know was how honest I was going to have to be, and how much I was going to have to deal with. We are only on session 14 and I have already learnt so many new things about my life, both past and present. This past Wednesday night was a point of complete joy in my life. We had a special class to break unholy soul ties between ourselves and others with whom we had either had sexual relations, been abused by or even fantasized about. As I read aloud the prayers to God, I was overjoyed at the realization that the healing that He did in my life almost 2 years ago was real and completely solidified in my heart and spirit. Sometimes I’ve worried that my lack of recall of that relationship has been due to repressed memories but thankfully it has been the pure healing touch of my Saviour, and it’s good!. I can continue to walk into my destiny pure and whole before a holy God.

Something I didn’t expect to come out of that class with was an (even more so) heightened standard for purity, not just in relationships, but in my heart, mind, soul and body. Sex is sacred as is the rest that goes along with it. It’s not ok to watch it on TV/movies, to listen to it degraded in music or to talk about it in a way that distorts or dishonours it. It’s an incredible gift, to be shared between a husband and a wife like a treasured secret. I refuse to let the world tell me that it’s cheap, meaningless or meant to be tried out with many different partners. I won’t let them rob me of the beauty of being able to present myself pure to my future husband.

This week has been one of being challenged on many different levels. I welcome these challenges because they produce in me strong character and deep roots. Lord, I pray that you would continue to mold me into the woman of God that you created me to be. Let me be sensitive to Your spirit and to what You are saying to me. May I never settle for less than Your best for my life

Do I know the way I move him?

I've always known that God loves me, but do I really know how incredibly loved I am?
Do I know the way I move him?

He sees every glance of my eye and it moves his heart.
He sees every time I hurt and is there hurting too
He sees every time I choose the right path and is there walking it with me
He sees every time I cry out to Him and is right there crying out with me.
He sees every wrong thing I do, and is right there picking me up
He sees every time I've sought his face, and he's there revealing himself.
He sees my weakness, and sees how badly I want Him.
He sees every little desire, every bit of passion, every little piece of hunger.
Everytime I look his way He sees it. Every little glance.
Nothing goes unseen from his gaze.

God is not far out there, he is right here right now, wanting to be incredibly intimate with each and every one of us. He sees everything in my life, nothing escapes his eyes. He loves us like we can't believe and he is so close to us. Not only are we moved by God, but his heart is moved everytime we look his way, everytime we talk to him, every time we talk about him.
He is an intimate lover not a disconnected dictator.

Today I encountered God's love in my bedroom, while writing a paper on a totally different topic. Tears of joy stream down my face and laughter springs from my mouth at the realization of how indescribably loved we are, and how God longs to intimately know his children. It's so beautiful.

I pray for this heart to be unbroken.

There is something wrong with the way we date if it comes with the risk of losing each others friendship. I feel like the term "dating" puts so much pressure on 2 people to act a certain way and express emotions and pleasure in ways that aren't supposed to yet be awakened. (Song of Solomon 2:7) What if dating was just continuing to be best friends instead of dragging each other through temptation and other enslaving & scarring habits hoping to make it through? That's not love nor does it show respect for the other person.

I'm not saying its wrong to kiss, or hold hands cause I can't say that I would refrain from either until marriage. But love isn't making out in a car, it's not seeing how far you can go without getting burnt, it's not giving everything to someone in hopes that they will be with you forever.

Love is choosing to put someone before yourself, thinking of their best before your own, its a daily choice. In dating its so easy to give yourself emotionally and physically to someone because our society has taught us that that is what you do, thats just how it works.

But I propose that we date as friends, treating each other with the utmost respect, choosing to wait until marriage to be physical, not giving into temptation and being the same couple in front of people as you are alone. Choosing to live in such a way that even if it doesn't work out you can still be friends.

I'm sure it's not as easy as it sounds but I think its possible.

This is what I've been challenged with today and I haven't fully thought it all out but I think it's worth taking the time to contemplate.

True things.

This year I am thankful for: (in no particular order)

1. Health
2. The deep friendships that God has blessed me with
3. My amazing and incredible Mom & Dad
4. My sweet siblings.
5. Healing
6.Every oppurtunity I've recieved to use my gifts and talents to bring God glory.
7. All my needs being met
8. Being able to pay rent every month
9. Being able to learn
10. Every moment that has brought a smile to my face, and a tear to my eye.
11. Every moment that I've felt the presence of God, and been changed because of it.
12. PLBC
13. The people back home who keep me in their prayers
14. Everyone who has supported me financially
15. Being able to dream big and know that through God anything is possible!
16. The oppurtunities i've recieved to encourage others & support them in using their giftings
17. My teachers
18.Skype, because it lets me see people I miss!
19. The Sullivans, for giving me a place to live.
20. Icecream.

Thank you Lord for every person you've placed in my life, every situation that has made me laugh, every song thats passed my lips, every moment I have felt loved, and thank you most of all for loving me enough to die for me.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Love, is waiting.

Today I witnessed a couple get engaged, It was a beautiful thing.

It didn't make me sad or jealous, in fact it made me incredibly excited

because I know that one day,

that will be me.