Stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.

I have a problem with waiting in almost every area of my life. I like to dream about my future and then try to jump ahead. I get glimpses of who God's creating me to be, or what kind of people he wants to bring down my path. This makes me want to skip the inbetween. But deep down I know that its the inbetween that makes the end so incredible.

It's in the inbetween that my character is built, my desires are refined and my faith is made stronger. In reality, If i jumped ahead, I wouldn't be ready for the situations and circumstances I would find myself in, whether good or bad.

Therefore I will wait and try to be as patient as possible. I won't waste this time wishing to be somewhere else, but I'll be sure to become all I can be and learn every lesson possible. Then when the inbetween is over, I'll be ready.

I'm gonna miss this.

Growing up, I didn't have a lot of really close friends. There werent many people who I shared my dreams, struggles, or passions with. But here, its a different story. I have thee most amazing friends. Theyve been there through it all, ups, downs, sideturns; you name it, they were there.

My 2nd year of college has felt more like my first. This year was when I got to know everyone and I formed friendships that will last for eternity.

This school year has also been defined by crazy brokenness and mass healing.

It's been quite the process, one in which I am so thankful for because It's made me who I am today, and I know that thats better than who I was yesterday. There is only 1 week left of the semester, and Im quickly realizing that I don't want to spend it in my room studying or doing homework. I want to spend it with my friends, outside in the sun because that oppurtunity isn't goin to be around forever.

Thankfully I get to spend an extra 6 weeks with some of my favourite people.

I refuse to think about sayin goodbye to them cause some I may never see again.

I look forward to what summer is going to bring, but I dread the emptiness of missing everyone.

Thankfully I'll be back in the fall, for another round.

PLBC family, ya'll are amazing, and have touched my life in an incredible way. Thanks for all the kind words, direction, wisdom and grace. I am blessed to call you sisters and brothers!

Set apart this dream.

Last week while I was at home I was going through some of my stuff and came across my journal from 2003-2006. As I read through the pages I was hit with the realization of how much I've changed, not all of it being in the way that I hoped. From the ages of 13-16, I had eyes for only God. I spent hours by myself laying on the church floor praying and listening to music hoping to catch an even greater glimpse of the God I was so incredibally in love with. I was whole, I knew who I was, I was confident, I was focused and more importantly I knew my worth. As I grew older and entered into a relationship, that seemed to change. I wasn't treated right and I didnt do anything about it till much later because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. Through disappointment, after disappointment I began to think that thats just how things are...this is what I'm worth. There has always been that small hope that says "There is something better, Your worth so much more than this, so much more than you can imagine". But lifes storms and let downs just didn't line up with that hope. So I gradually began to believe the lie that satan was feeding me.
It's almost been a year that i've been single, and I'm still dealing with the ramifications of my worth being worn down over a long period of time. So many people tell me "you have to look at what the Lord says about you"..and I know thats true, but it's not that easy. It's formed into a habit to think this way. Everytime I go with my sister to try on engagement rings, this thought always crosses my mind "Will there ever be a guy that will think I'm worth buying this for?" and No, It has nothing to do with material possessions.
It's takin me a while to actually admit that I struggle in this area, but i've heard that the first step to recovery is admitting that I have a problem. so here it is.
Lord I need your help, please break past the lies that i've bought into about who I am and what I'm worth. I know that you see me as a rare diamond that is to be treasured, and that someday 'Mr right' will see that too. In the meantime, I choose to be defined by what You say, not by my past experiences or words that have been spoken, but by Your Truth.

"Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" - Luke 12:7