Beautiful Bride, Body of Christ.

For the first time in 2 years I went back to my old church. It was weird to walk through those doors and up the stairs of the place I used to call home. I asked my Pastor if it would be alright if I came and played piano in my spare time, He said yes. I walked into the sanctuary and slowly made my way down the aisle and up to the front. Only a few things are different, everything else seems pretty familiar. As I walked onto the stage I was hit with the realization that if it wasn't for this place, and these people, I wouldn't be who I am today.

These people, who I feel like I barely know anymore, taught me to believe in myself enough to lead a song during worship. Eventually pushing me to lead many more.

They taught me how to worship and to war in the spirit.

They gave me the courage and the oppurtunity to get up on stage and play bass.

They taught me how to function in my spiritual giftings

They laid the foundations of my faith and taught me how to seek God.

Even after being away for so long, I feel like they have taught me my most important lesson yet, how to love unconditionally.

This church is no longer home but I feel blessed and grateful to have grown up in this part of the body, and to be able to spend my summer playing piano, worshipping and songwriting in a place that holds so much of my history.

Your love is a hurricane that I cannot outrun.

It's crazy how fast life can change. One minute your going down one path...the next minute you're offroading to a new path. I am heading home in 2 days, back to the place that I described as a "chasm" in a previous entry. It's happened so fast, in a matter of minutes, one universe to another. The more I think about it the more I dread it but at the same time the more I think about it the more excited I am. Theres things I need to deal with back home; emotions, memories and mostly brokenness. I have a feeling I'm not going to return to this city the same girl, but I think it's going to take till I return to realize why I have to go in the first place.

It's only two months but it feels like it's going to be an eternity, and it feels like i'm going to miss out on everything. But I have to believe that there is a greater purpose and that there is a divine plan. I just have no clue what that is.

Alright Lord, I surrender, I give up "my will" and pick up yours.

I know I won't regret this.

Your presence is life to me.

I've labelled the summer of '09 as the best summer of my life, but I think that that will change after this summer. Although right now it looks like it should be grim, long and stressful because I have yet to get a job but I guess I see it through different eyes; Jesus' eyes. It has been frustrating to not be working but instead of sitting in a dark hole of self pity i've decided to try and make the most of this free time. Before school ended I knew that God wanted to do some amazing things in my life this summer, things that will change how I view myself, others, and my life in general. It feels like a preparation time, for what I am being prepared for I have no clue. All I know is that I want to be ready. So here I am with open hands and an open heart ready to recieve, grow, and be stretched in any way that I can. I began reading a book yesterday by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity" and after only 174 pages I feel like I have learn't an incredible amount about myself and why I function the way I do, not all of it being healthy! It's not easy for me to own up to my insecurities and its even more difficult to admit that i am in fact insecure. The amazing part is that I dont have to remain that way, I dont have to deal with the same insecurities tomorrow that I have had to today. There is freedom, and in order to get there I have to get to the root of it. The first 9 chapters have caused me to feel more vulnerable then I ever have in my entire life, but instead of putting the book down I pressed on, knowing that the reward will be great. I still have 9 chapters to go, and at the rate I've been going it will be done within the next few days.

God has spoken to me so clearly in the past couple days, calling me closer and drawing me deeper into a more intimate relationship with Him. I truly believe that as I seek first the Kingdom and spend time (truly) getting to know the one I am fashioned by and after that that alone will bring me more security than I could ever find on my own. Lord, You alone are good. :)

I want to see Your glory as Moses did.

I thought I knew what it was like to have my faith tested, but I really have no clue. Where I am now is somewhere where I always hoped I'd never be, but clearly where I need to be in order to learn a valuable lesson. I feel sick when I think about how quickly I forget what God has done for me. I've been in this place of need before, and even though I feel like there is so much more at stake now than then. Thankfully, God sees it as all the same, whether I need $10 bucks or $100, a full-time or part-time job Lastnight it was as if it all hit me at once, leaving me broken and desperate for God to answer. My frustration drove me to cling to Gods promises.
Heres the thing:

Phil 4:19 says "And My God will supply ALL your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus"

2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness"

Matthew 6:25-30 says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

1 Thess 5:24 says "The One who calls you is Faithful and He will do it"

What else do I need? More proof of God being faithful to His promises is found in my past. Never once has he let me down, my every need has always been met in full. He may not come through in the way I think my prayers should be answered but it's always the best way, and at exactly the right time.
Lord thank you for your faithfulness. Forgive me for doubting You and thank you in advance for providing every one of my present needs. You are good beyond measure! Amen.

All I know is I find rest in You.

I've been home for a week now, and it's been a week of friends, goodbyes and new beginnings. I feel at home here, even though my family is miles away and some of my closest friends are even farther. God's been teaching me a lot since returning from tour. The first thing Hes been teaching me is to get my priorities straight, seems they get out of place when you spend 5 weeks in a van. Re-prioritizing mainly means looking at where my time is spent. Is what I put the most time into advancing the Kingdom? Or just a mindless filler? It also means looking at what I want to accomplish, where I want to grow and change and aligning that with the way I spend my time. It seems quite easy and logical when I look at it this way but unfortunately some of those mindless fillers have become habits that are hard to break. Thankfully, with God's strength I can overcome them and get back on track!. Only I can change the things in my life that need improvement. If I want to be good at songwriting, I need to spend time writing. If I want to get better at the piano, I need to spend time practicing. No ones going to do it for me, and I have no grounds on which to complain about my lack in these areas, its my choice.
Needless to say, I've had a few hard doses of reality lately, and it's been tough but muchly needed because it causes me to become a better me.
I am excited for this summer, I have no clue what it will all bring but I know it will be incredible and that each day I will become more and more the woman that God has intended me to be :)

21

Tour is officially over and I am back in BC. I never thought id be this excited to see the streets of surrey!
As we drove through the mountains I was quickly reminded of the reasons I love this place, It's sweet to call this place home.
I celebrated my 21st birthday yesterday,and despite spending 10 hours of it in the van it turned out to be spectacular! I am usually an optimist but when it comes to birthdays I seem to have super low expectations because I have been let down time and time again. However, I love to be surprised, I love when people put in time and effort to make something special. Thats why I love my pacific life family. They decked out the van with streamers and a banner, sang to me and pretty much their presence was the cherry on the ice cream! That night I invited a few people to come out with us for dinner, little did I know that our group would grow to about 21 people! It was so much fun, and such a blessing to be surrounded by so many people I love all at once.
I would like to thank everyone who made my birthday incredible, even those who couldn't be there yet left me sweet messages :) I love you all!