Your presence is life to me.

I've labelled the summer of '09 as the best summer of my life, but I think that that will change after this summer. Although right now it looks like it should be grim, long and stressful because I have yet to get a job but I guess I see it through different eyes; Jesus' eyes. It has been frustrating to not be working but instead of sitting in a dark hole of self pity i've decided to try and make the most of this free time. Before school ended I knew that God wanted to do some amazing things in my life this summer, things that will change how I view myself, others, and my life in general. It feels like a preparation time, for what I am being prepared for I have no clue. All I know is that I want to be ready. So here I am with open hands and an open heart ready to recieve, grow, and be stretched in any way that I can. I began reading a book yesterday by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity" and after only 174 pages I feel like I have learn't an incredible amount about myself and why I function the way I do, not all of it being healthy! It's not easy for me to own up to my insecurities and its even more difficult to admit that i am in fact insecure. The amazing part is that I dont have to remain that way, I dont have to deal with the same insecurities tomorrow that I have had to today. There is freedom, and in order to get there I have to get to the root of it. The first 9 chapters have caused me to feel more vulnerable then I ever have in my entire life, but instead of putting the book down I pressed on, knowing that the reward will be great. I still have 9 chapters to go, and at the rate I've been going it will be done within the next few days.

God has spoken to me so clearly in the past couple days, calling me closer and drawing me deeper into a more intimate relationship with Him. I truly believe that as I seek first the Kingdom and spend time (truly) getting to know the one I am fashioned by and after that that alone will bring me more security than I could ever find on my own. Lord, You alone are good. :)