April 22, 2012

After 4 years a huge chapter of my life has come to a close.

 ...here's to the future.

I'm gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..

I am so close to finishing my last paper and it's taking everything within me to push through. Not because I am lazy or because I enjoy procrastinating, but if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to finish it because that means I'm one step closer to letting go of everything PLBC. 

The closer graduation gets the more my stomach hurts and my chest tightens.

So much has changed over the past 4 years...and so much has changed over the past 1 year. The majority of those changes have been amazing and awesome but I still find it hard to deal with the ones that were supposed to be close to my heart. 

I'm not close to the people I used to be.

Things change, but time heals eventually.....right?

......Here's to letting go

......Here's to moving forward..

To My BC Family.

Over the past 2 years I have had the privilege of living with Don & Gail Sullivan & fam. I didn't know them very well when I first moved in but they quickly became family. From the moment I walked into their house - before I even knew I would be staying there - I had such peace and the feeling of "this is home". They treated me like I was one of their own kids and often let me have large amounts of students over for movies or eggo parties! Sure I paid rent every month, but they often went above and beyond what they needed to. When I was sick they gave me meds, they bought loads of white bread just for me, and they were always present at my recitals.  I moved out this past week and have quickly realized just how extremely blessed I was to have been able to stay there.

To the Sullivans:
-Thank you for giving me a home away from home
-Thank you for all your support in regards to schooling, music and the plans that God has for me.
-Thank you for giving me a job at your shop.
-Thank you for all the white bread you bought me
-Thank you for allowing me to have friends over
-Thank you for putting up with Luke ;)
-Thank you for always looking out for me and for making sure I had what I needed when I was sick
-Thank you for your encouragement, correction and love
-Thank you for going above and beyond what you needed to.
-Thank you for forcing me to learn how to cook (even though i still have a LONG way to go!)
...the list could go on and on!

I love you guys and I am so extremely thankful that God allowed our paths to run parallel for the past 2 years.  I pray that God will continue to bless you and that many more students will find a "home" in your guys' place :)
Miss you already!

Love,
Jess

twelve days.

I'm so close its scary.
It's hard to focus on finishing well when there is seemingly more important things to take care of.
So much change is happening.
I'm learning to express myself and not repress it.
I'm struggling to be okay with having unanswered questions and worries
I miss my family and hate that I'm missing out on my niece growing up.
Stress has become a norm, unfortunately.
I worry that when I graduate all this weight upon my shoulders won't be lifted like I expect it to be
I need a vacation
I need a job
Jesus is the only person who has never failed me, yet I struggle to trust him the most.
I've lost my passion to dream and the childlike faith that comes with it.
I can't wait to leave the Christian bubble.
I fear I'm the worst girlfriend ever.
I feel as if all hell is against me...oh wait it is.

.....all the while you hold my world secure in the palm of your hand.  Thank-you.