Let's be honest..

The #1 thing I think about is me. What is best for me? what should I do today? What is going to make me happy? How can I further myself? How can I become better?  I, Me, I, Me, I, Me. 

What about him, her, them?

Recently I've been so focused on what I am doing after school and of course this is important to ponder, pray and seek God about but I'm starting to wonder if I am way off base. I've been questioning my motives for wanting to go to Bethel or IHOP and also for wanting to leave here.

 If I'm honest with myself, the majority of my motives are pretty blurred and selfish. 

I want to position myself in a place where I can gain a name for myself, I want to run with the big wigs of worship leading and the Christian faith, I want to find a guy, and I want to run from the hurts and issues that are here in hopes that they won't find me in america. 

Tonight I hung out with some new friends who are stumbling through their first year of PLBC trying to find the ropes and mostly learning the hard way. They asked me "Who do you see in the first year class, that will be like you and your friends in 4th year? The person who will lead retreats & is given leadership roles?"  I looked them in the eye and said "Every single one of you has the potential to be on SLT,  a retreat worship leader or staff member, it's just a matter of you doing your best and pushing yourself forward in the callings that God has placed on your life" 

We hung out for a while, them asking questions and me trying my best to give them answers, and for once it wasn't about me.  I wasn't trying to impress them with my "vast amount of 4th year knowledge" nor was I in it to benefit myself. My heart ached for them to understand their purpose, the importance of having a godly attitude toward gratis & classes, how their daily choices affect who they are in 4 years, and most importantly how vital it is for them to fix their attention on Christ. 

I've been put in a place of influence, and tonight I really felt the joy, hope and fulfillment of pouring into those God has placed in my life.  They may not have gotten anything out of it, but God sure spoke to me.  I need to stop thinking about how fast I can get out of here and instead focus on giving God my best and using my time to lead, guide and pour my life into the generations coming up behind me.