Ican'tbelieveitsalmostmarchahh.

I haven't written in over a month and the only reason I can think of is because I've been out living life instead of just writing about it. Life is hectic and as per usual I am finding it hard to balance everything that is important to me. But through the thick forest God has shown me rays of light that are challenging me to the core.

1. Integrity is more important than we can begin to imagine. I don't know about you, but I want God to be able to use me anywhere and at anytime he wants. Obviously he doesn't need my help in order to accomplish his purposes but it is possible for us to disqualify ourselves by participating in senseless acts of disobedience that have lasting negative consequences.
* Be a man or woman of Integrity - don't give yourself a "just this once" opportunity that you will regret! It's hard but God's been teaching me how to count the cost of living a life worthy of my calling - it's worth it!

2. Be yourself, be comfortable in your giftings and never doubt the plans God has for you.
Only 1.5 months till graduation and I have no clue "what I am going to do with my life". My verse for the year is Matt 6:33 "Do not worry" so I am trying my best to walk that out. It's a challenge but at the same time its frees me up to enjoy the last bit of this life chapter. I am learning to take my giftings in stride and allow God to release them in His timing and not my own. His plans are good, solid and trustworthy. Trust him.

Life is exciting, stretching and refreshing. Thank you God for teaching me how to be me and how to rest in your plan.

You were born for such a time as this..

Where to begin! Life is changing fast and it's taking my heart and head so much longer to catch up and begin to really comprehend all that is going on.  My major theme for this year is Risk: expect the unexpected and therefore I shouldn't be surprised that we're only 22 days into 2012 and yet every single moment of it has been unexpected. I am so incredibly blessed to be on the path that God has me on - it's scary, stretching, hard, riveting, exciting and ultimately so worth it.
Recently I've been realizing that it is going to require a ton of faith for me to stay out here in BC. It would be easier for me to go home and live with my parents - it would be easier for me to go to another school and not have to worry about building roots or making long term plans.

But i've never been called to easy, nor do I want to take the easy way out. 

I am staying in BC and though I don't know how it will all work out, I can see that the future is extremely bright and that God's hand is heavy upon it.
I am stepping out in faith, completely unaware of where I am headed, but fully understanding that God's hand is guiding me every inch of the journey. lets.do.this!
What is God asking you to do that you are too scared to do or that you don't feel like you have enough faith for?  Step out and see where he takes you  - i guarantee, you won't regret it.

"It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of Me" -Jesus.

you still get my heart racing...

I can't believe how fast this year is already flying by! The past 8 days have contained more love, thinking, heartache, family, and joy than some people experience in a lifetime.  I spent the past 3 weeks in Manitoba with my family and it was such an amazing time. It wasn't anything like we expected it to be and if we could we would all go back and change the circumstances -but God knows whats best and we don't. It's unfortunate that it takes death to bring people together, but that seems to be the way that life goes.

Death is tough no matter how close or far you are from the person.
Death puts life into perspective faster than anything else.
Death separates what's important from whats not important
Death makes you think about purpose, eternity and how fragile life is.

As I sat at the funeral for my aunt I couldn't help but think about heaven, healing and my faith.  How does someone recover from the loss of their spouse? How can they possibly go on in any state of normalcy? Without grace, patience, perseverance, love and time they can't.  I am so thankful that God is so patient with his children and that no matter what circumstances come their way he is there to hold, guide, comfort, and strengthen. He is so so good to us, no matter what.

Needless to say this year is going to be nothing like I expect it to be - it already hasn't been.  I welcome this with open arms trusting that God indeed does know what is best for his children.  I haven't set any resolutions because honestly they seem pretty meaningless and I'm tired of trying, in my own strength, to become someone I think I should be.  Instead I have chosen to simply "seek first the kingdom.." - everything else will fall into place.

Heres to 2012 - the best is yet to be.

2011 Reflections

Near the end of every December I write up a blog about what I've learn't over the past year. It's something that gives me perspective and that will later be a reminder of another step in the journey that God has me on.

These are the major lessons that 2011 taught me:

1. Change is inevitable - usually painful - but always worth it

2. Sometimes God takes people out of your life to make room for new people

3. I need to hold my dreams, hopes, plans and my very life with open hands and allow God to take and do with them what he pleases.

4. Tomorrow is not guaranteed therefore nothing & no one should be taken for granted

5. I need to not be so serious

6. Spontaneity is a must

7. God's timing is perfect and patience is key.

8. The plans I create for myself are so small compared to the plans God has in mind.

I am so thankful for where God has taken me this year. There has been tears, heartache and loneliness but it's ended in wholeness, joy and a renewed hope & vision. I just stumbled upon a blog I wrote on Jan 3rd of this year in which I listed what 2011 was going to be for me....and it's crazy to look at that and see the process I went through in order for the majority of those desires to come to fruition.

This year has been phenomenal! I never expected to be where I am now, to be close to the people I am, to have the job I have and not to mention all the opportunities I've received. I am so blessed and thankful for the journey that God has me on. No matter how tough it may be at times, I wouldn't change any of it for the world!
Here are some of the highlights:

I see your face in every sunrise....

I snapped this picture, on my 8am flight, as God reminded me of how infinitely vast he is. I've recently been overwhelmed by fears and insecurities that stem from past hurts and disappointments. I've realized that it's so easy to get caught up in a situation and forget about the big picture. All I saw in these moments of struggle was the thick layer of clouds over my head, but God sees this struggle in light of the big picture of who he is calling me to be.  He is the sun, who shines high above the clouds where the skies are clear, blue, peaceful, and calm. He sees all and is always present despite the dark & heavy clouds that seem to block out his light.  This gives me so much peace, comfort and joy.
No matter what we face, God is always present walking with us through every hurt, pain, joy, victory, sorrow, disappointment, win, and struggle.
I am so thankful that God puts me into situations that cause me to dig deep into the areas of my heart that I've kept hidden and locked up. It's tough, messy and sometimes unpleasant but so worth it.
God, please have your way in me as I try my best to let you tear down all my walls. 

Time goes by...

10 days till utter relaxation  

10 days till I can fully breathe again  

10 days till I stop missing my family  

10 days till I am no longer pulled in 100 directions  

10 days till I fly home.

...God help me to finish well.

sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how I need to hold everything I have been given with open hands. My possessions, my friends, my plans, my hopes, and my dreams. I don't want to hold so tightly to something that it destroys me if the Lord sees it fit to remove it from my life.  Life is often seriously sobering in it's way of dealing with life and death. Today I realized that I need to hold my very life with open hands.

He is God. I am not. 

He knows what's best. I don't.

Theres no way I will ever be able to fathom the mysteries of God and why he allows some to suffer, why he takes some early and others late, and why he has chosen pain as the means to cause us to grow. 

I will never understand God, and the faster I realize that and just trust that he knows what he is doing, the better life will be.

God teach me how to have open hands.... 'cause honestly it scares the heck out of me.