I’ve never felt more faithless in my entire life as I have in the past few days. Not faithless in the sense of doubting the foundations of what I believe, but faithless in the sense of standing in front of a seemingly huge mountain of impossibility and there is no way around- only over.
Being in a place of having to say over and over “God, I can’t go one more step without your strength” is hard & humbling. I’m looking at a line of closed doors and as time passes they seem to be coming closer and closer. If a window opens every time a door closes….where is my window? Am I doing something wrong? Where should I be looking? Am I missing something? The questions that flow through my mind are suffocating me and creating unneeded anxiety.
Last night, with tears streaming down my face, I thanked God for stretching my faith. I hate everything about the process, but I know that breakthrough will come and I’ll realize that this season wasn’t as hard as I thought.
But for now, I’m weaker than I’ve ever been and I’ve realized the hard way that I can’t do life in my own strength.
God has begun the trek up my “seemingly impossible mountain”. If I stand here any longer I’ll die. I hear my Father say: “This is the way, walk in it..” (Isaiah 30:21) My heart is racing and my legs feel like they are made of lead. I can’t do this, I can’t do this….
STEP.
walk, walk walk.
RRRRUUUNNNNNN.
…faith as small as a mustard seed is all it takes.
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